It’s Thanksgiving morning and I am curled up on the couch with my cup of coffee watching the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade. Suddenly the Broadway cast of Dear Evan Hansen appears on screen and sings their song “You Will Be Found.” I am captivated by the amount of compassion in their eyes and voices. That night, I listened to this song as I fell asleep, and since then have had the soundtrack on repeat. And this afternoon, I have just returned from seeing the movie Wonder. I don't think I have ever cried during a movie for as long of a duration as I did this one (which is saying something, given the movies I have seen and my high emotional reactivity). The amount of love and warmth in this film is truly heart melting. The movie follows a boy named Auggie, who is in fifth grade. He was born with a facial difference, and has been homeschooled all his life, up until now. Throughout the movie, you see Auggie gain courage and friendships as he learns to face the world as he truly is. Earlier this week when I came home for break, I went to the elementary school to surprise my friend Nathan whom I worked with this summer. The look of pure surprise on his face when I arrived is one that I will remember for a long time. I couldn't stop smiling when I was in the cafeteria with him as he proudly introduced me to his friends and we all discussed his YouTube channel and new kitten. During this movie I could hardly hold myself together. I thought about my summer with Nathan and all that he has taught me about not being afraid. I thought about when I was younger and felt like I wasn't able to do as much as other kids. And, as Auggie says in the movie, I thought about how "we are all wonders." I have been through my share of obstacles, but these tough memories are always overshadowed by the unending support I have received and all the incredible connections I have made. These connections have added so much light and warmth in my life. In my eyes, all of these people are individual wonders, as they have all woven through my life in so many beautiful ways. The holiday season is upon us, which can be a difficult time for some. I ask that you keep your eyes and ears open and be there to lift up someone who may need it. Your kindness can be the light in someone's darkness. And by being a light, you can illuminate all of the wonders in this world. (I also just wanted to have a space to let out some of my recent obsessions because they are consuming a lot of moments in my life right now, but I think both pair well together. Also, PLEASE GO WATCH WONDER). <3
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Last weekend, I went to see Aladdin the musical. I was captivated by the pure magic of it all - the colors, costumes, music and lights. My favorite was the magic carpet scene - Aladdin and Jasmine began to sing about their dreams to experience a new world, and soon began to float above the stage. Even though they were in the middle of singing, the audience started clapping and you could hear audible gasps throughout the theatre as people simply could not contain their pure awe and wonder. There they were, suspended in midair among a shimmering night sky before our eyes. My breath caught in my throat as I felt the tangible sense of magic in the room.
This weekend, I witnessed magic in another form - through love and human connection. I spent Saturday saying goodbye to someone I will always hold close to my heart. The room was filled with people who had unending love for this person and it was visible everywhere you looked. At times I felt broken as I shook under the weight of the grief I felt. But there was always someone nearby to hold me up and put a strong, reassuring arm around me. I felt a healing power in the sense of touch, and that spoke volumes. I also felt a healing power in the love that shone from this person we have lost. During this time, it felt like my life was suspended among the shining light that had radiated from this person's life. And like the magic carpet, I felt my soul flying through it all - the warmth, the love and the pure magic of the human connections that were formed in these friendships. This person had magic inside them and shared it with everyone they met. You could see this magic shining through everyone there as they hugged and supported each other. As I drove home, light broke through the clouds and warmed my tear-stained face. I felt a sense of peace as my life settled back into reality, because I knew this light would always be inside me and I was going to do my best to spend my life sharing this person's radiance with the world. We all have magic inside us, which is a powerful thing that we must not shy away from. This magic holds human connections together so strongly and so beautifully. And just think of the world we would have if we started to spread our wings and sprinkle this magic to everyone around us. "This is just the most exciting thing I think I have ever participated in," an ABC News reporter proclaims as he stares at the solar eclipse happening right before his eyes. It is February 26, 1979, and the news team informs the country that a solar eclipse will not happen again for 38 years. "The next eclipse will happen on August 21, 2017," the news anchor explains.
Tomorrow, the moon will pass between the sun and Earth. Although I will not be able to fully see this solar eclipse from Minnesota, other parts of North America will experience darkened skies as the moon casts a shadow. People will travel to places such as Montana, South Carolina and Oregon to experience this solar eclipse in its "path of totality." It's quite exciting that we get to witness such a special event where the Earth, sun and moon will align. So special, in fact, that this news anchor from 1979 had quite a lot of hope for this upcoming solar eclipse. He concluded the broadcast by saying, "may the shadow of the moon fall on a world at peace." In the wake of the events that took place in Charlottesville, this past week has been filled with too much hate, violence and bigotry. Our country feels broken and lost as we are unsure where to turn for a sense of comfort and hope. And unfortunately, conflict extends beyond our borders as problems such as violence and poverty exist in countries across the world. This world does not always feel like a peaceful place, and hatred is not a foreign concept. The solar eclipse is a very special time for the Earth, even if other parts of the world will only experience a partial eclipse. I just want to take this time to remind everyone to think about peace. Yes, our world is suffering and often feels broken under the weight of conflict and hatred. A sense of peace may feel foreign at this particular moment, especially with the knowledge that the solar eclipse will cast a shadow and dispel light. But I think this solar eclipse is coming at a perfect time - it has the power to remind human beings how much light we have. We hold so much power in our words, our thoughts and our actions. We are all examples of living light, and we have so much glow and warmth to spread. So as we find ourselves in the shadows, I ask you to be that warm glow. In doing so, I hope our light can burn brighter than ever as we experience this small but beautiful moment in time. And above all, through the darkness, I hope we can find peace. I also encourage you all to watch this broadcast from 1979, as I believe it gives a sense of hope and reminds us just how special this event truly is. Shine on. If you have been around me at all this summer, you have probably heard me discussing my recent obsession: a project I have discovered known as bullet journaling. I was first introduced to it by my roommate, who always has beautifully crafted fonts and designs in her journal. Therefore, I dismissed the idea, thinking I wasn't "artsy" enough to start a bullet journal of my own. When I returned home from college, my friend gave me a journal she had bought while abroad in Spain. The pages were blank, and as I flipped through them, she said "maybe you can do bullet journaling or something!" The gears started turning in my head and then suddenly I was up late that night googling bullet journal ideas. I just wanted to post about this to share why I love it so much, and maybe inspire others to create something of their own. I think bullet journals are really quite open ended and there are a lot of cool things you can do with them. Why am I so drawn to bullet journals, you may ask? I love to write, but sometimes keeping a regular journal can be too much work for me. Some days I may have a huge urge to write things down, but I don't do it because I feel like I would have to give a lot of context in my journal in order for everything to make sense (of course, there are no rules about this but that's just how I feel). What I like about bullet journaling is you can just write little snippets (bullets!) of a memory, a goal, a song... something that will allow you to look back on a certain moment and remember. And you can organize it any way you want. Here are some of the pictures I found online to give you an idea. BUT I would like to say that you should not feel intimidated by how intense some of these look. Again, I am not anywhere NEAR an artsy person, and doing something like these pictures would stress me out to no end. But it's fun to see the different things you may want to write about or keep track of! As you can see, a lot of these are very visually pleasing and focus a lot on the artsy details. What I love about bullet journaling is the different boxes you can create to form a template for what to write. And with that in mind, this is what my journal looks like (it's about as simple as one can get): A lot of the journals shown online are very colorful, but since I am avoiding a lot of the drawing/fancy fonts, I just outline the boxes with black marker and write the rest of the words with a lavender pen to at least give it some color. And since I love this type of journaling so much, I want to elaborate on each section I created to give you a sense of what you can do (otherwise feel free skip to the end for a website with more suggestions)! Header For my journal, I do a weekly spread, meaning everything you see on both pages is for the whole week (which is specified in the upper lefthand corner). I also use the heading margin for a quote I came across that week (a song lyric, a movie quote, something I read in an article, etc.) Films Watched I love watching movies, and since it's summer I usually watch a couple each week. This space is for documenting those movies, including who I saw them with. If it's a new movie I usually include my thoughts on it (ones with raving reviews so far this summer: Wonder Woman and The Revenant<3). Song Suggestions I also love finding new songs, and I usually discover a few new ones each week as well. 50% of the time, I find songs in movies I watch, so these two sections pair well together. I write the name of the song, the artist, where I heard it, and maybe what it reminds me of. Gratitude Log This is a longer section because unlike all the other sections, I write something for each day. Specifically, I write something that happened that day that made me happy. I often write about getting coffee with a friend, someplace fun I went that day, or something interesting I witnessed at work (usually breakthroughs I experienced while working with kids). These three sections go well together because for me, a song often becomes something like a memory. The song will remind me of a movie I saw, or a day that I went on an adventure with someone. Healthy Habits I have been really trying to eat healthy this summer (currently my biggest obsession is chia seeds: especially on peanut butter toast, yogurt, and cereal). This is a space to document exercise, new (healthy) snacks I tried, and goals for how to be healthier in the upcoming week. Faith Here is where I write about things I may be struggling with/need guidance for, blessings I have seen this week, or people I want to pray for. Sometimes I just write out prayers which helps me feel a bit more grounded. Thoughts, etc. A general writing section - basically anything else I want to include that's not mentioned in any of the other sections, or to elaborate on something that is mentioned. Sometimes I write mini poems, or jot down plans for a future blog post. This is also a good journal section where I can just write down short snippets of something that happened each week, whether it is good or bad. Goals A list of general goals - both on a broad and small scale. I like that I have started this in the summer so I have some time to experiment and document all the little moments! Here is a website I found that has some good additional ideas if you would like to take a look! I hope some of you can be as excited about bullet journaling as I am! If you already keep a bullet journal, I would love to learn more about your layout. And if anyone has any additional ideas, I would really like to learn about those as well - so please feel free to comment <3
Happy journaling! A few weeks ago, I was indulging in a stress-free, summer morning. I was standing in the shower, letting the hot water pummel against my back. I was finally done with the craziness of college for awhile and could now just relax. Relax. The word shot through my brain and a thought suddenly crashed to the surface of my mind: I have a CT scan next week. I had already been worrying about this one more than usual because my body had not been scanned for 6 months. This particular scan was bittersweet - it's good we moved the scan out from every 4 months to every 6 months, but it made me worry even more because it had been so long.
I started to wash my face and rub the soapy suds over my skin. I reached just under my ears and rubbed a bit harder. Did my lymph nodes hurt? I wondered. My mind flew back to freshman year in the bathroom, when I definitely felt sore lymph nodes as I washed my face, but at the time I just blamed it on my month long cough. The hot water on my face snapped me back to reality. It's all in your head, I assured myself as I turned the water off. The next day, I was reading outside on the porch. For some reason, at that moment my brain felt the need to remind me about the scan coming up. I took a deep breath, suddenly remembering another symptom that had lead me to the ER that day. Does my chest feel tight? my mind started to scream. I took deep, clean breaths, but still these thoughts pushed themselves to all corners of my mind. The next couple of weeks seemed to drag on. The thought of my upcoming scan consumed my mind more than it ever had before. I practiced deep breathing and tried to drink less caffeine to help calm myself. As I said before, part of this anxiousness stems from being unable to see the state of my body since October, which seemed more and more scary the more I let myself think about it. But I think the bigger reason is that I have seen too much cancer in my life the past 6 months and it has struck deep crevices in my heart. I realized I was more scared for this scan not solely because I saw how easily cancer can affect those close to me, but because if I had to go through it all again, I wouldn't be able to be there as much for those I know currently battling the disease. For some reason, this realization brought me some relief. The next week, I discovered my scan was clear, my blood counts were normal, and my heart beat at a steady rate. There is something people do not really talk about in regards to the aftermath of beating cancer. Cancer is something that sticks with you the rest of your life. It is not just about hoping for clean scans every few months. It's about having trouble falling asleep the day after you hear someone you know was diagnosed because all you can see is images of what they may have to face in the upcoming months. It's about feeling despair because you know how it may feel to not have control over what is happening to you. It's about constantly asking why why why when someone close to you finds themselves in cancer's path. Amidst these few weeks, I came across a quote from a cancer survivor that became one of the clearest thoughts I could form amidst the mangle of worry and wonder. As quoted on the American Cancer Society website: “To me, survivorship is very much an attitude; it’s a state of mind. How we interpret the experience of cancer and integrate it into our lives is fundamental to how we coexist with it. I have learned that hope is forever changing, and healing can come without curing.” This lead to my own realization as a cancer survivor. I have realized that now, I have a duty to inspire and help others through these tough times. This is something I think I have needed to realize for quite sometime. This past year, I struggled a lot with "survivor's guilt" - feeling helpless and guilty as I watch from the other side as someone become diagnosed with this disease. But now, for the first time in awhile, I feel proud to be a cancer survivor because I hope I can be the light for someone else who was in the same spot as me a couple of years ago. Another quote that I came across recently is "we have been assigned this mountain to show others it can be moved." Cancer can feel like a giant mountain in our path, but in my opinion, it's not so much about moving it out of the way as it is overcoming it. Cancer will always be with you, even when you make it to the other side. What matters is how you climb the mountain. Who do you meet along the way - and do you work with these people to get up the mountain together? What does the view look like from the top? Take pictures so you always know what the world looks like having conquered that mountain. The next time someone encounters a similar mountain, you can show them these pictures and share your experiences and thoughts, helping them to prepare for their own journey. And that, for me, is a beautiful thing about being a cancer survivor. Along with this recent clean scan, I have seen clarity in how I integrate survivorship into my life. I am excited to carry this with me as I move forward and coexist with survivorship in a hopefully soon to be cancer-free world. ![]() (a project from my biopsych class - and a look inside my fascination with psychology) What makes you happy? Chocolate? A Netflix binge of The Office? What about the sight of lots of those hearts that appear underneath your own social media posts? If that last question makes you smile, settle in! This relationship between brain activity (and therefore, emotion) and social media was in fact investigated in a recent study done by Lauren E. Sherman and colleagues at University of California, Los Angeles. Specifically, the researchers tested how adolescents perceive “likes” on one of the most popular social media sites today: Instagram. The study presented 32 adolescents, aged between 13 and 18, with something they are very familiar with: a scroll through an Instagram feed. Except for the fact that the participant was viewing them from inside a brain scanner and was looking at images that had actually been selected by psychologists. Each participant was shown 148 unique photos on Instagram. 40 of these pictures were the participant’s own pictures, but the rest were selected by the researchers (although the participant thought all the images were submitted by other participants). These included “risky” images of alcohol or smoking and “neutral” images of friends or food. Participants assumed all of the likes associated with each picture were from the participants who had gone before them (their peers). In reality, the researchers had assigned the number of likes to each photo. Half of the photos had between 0-22 likes, and the other half had between 23-45 likes, split evenly between the different types of images (Sherman et. al). While the participants scrolled, brain activity was measured through an fMRI scanner, which detects blood flow in the most active regions of the brain. The researchers found that there was greater brain activity when the participant viewed a photo with more likes. Specific regions activated included the medial prefrontal cortex and the hippocampus, which are involved in processing social cognition and social memories. The nucleus accumbens was also activated, a part of the brain that is active when we experience reward (Sherman et. al). Surveys have shown that people fear social threats more than physical threats. The lack of “likes” on an Instagram post may be examples of social threats, especially according to this research about adolescents. But don’t take my word for it, there are other articles that have written about this study and have more to say about the takeaways from this research. In particular, consider looking at the article from UCLA Newsroom that discusses this study further. The article is titled “The teenage brain on social media” and has some good additional information. To start, the article describes that the same area of the brain activated when we eat chocolate or win money is also activated when teens see a lot of likes on Instagram (UCLA Newsroom). This makes the research findings more generalizable, allowing readers to better understand and relate to what phenomena was being studied. The article does a good job overall of describing the study in a concise and efficient way. It references the study’s main takeaways, such as the arrangement and types of photos used, the activation of nucleus accumbens (reward center), and some of the implications of these activated brain areas. One unique thing about this popular news source is that it also interviewed a few of the authors from this study. This gives the topic a new level of meaning and implication. For example, Laura Sherman, the lead author, reiterated the main focus of the study by saying that “teens react differently to information when they believe it has been endorsed by many or few of their peers” (UCLA Newsroom). Another author, Mirella Dapretto, discusses an important takeaway that the study does not necessarily highlight, which is the question of whether or not adults should be worried about their children using social media. Dapretto claimed that even though these “virtual peers” are complete strangers, the teens are still valuing their opinion and wanting to conform with them, regardless of the content portrayed on the social media posts. It is also important to realize that there is a lot that is lost without face to face communication. This includes things such as reading facial expressions, gait patterns, and in this context, even tone of voice. Relationships with these “virtual peers” are created in a very different way. An important takeaway from the study is that the reward center in the brain had more activation when the participant viewed an image of their own, which speaks to how much adolescents value and feel rewarded due to their own self-presentation. In addition, an increase in Instagram likes can feed into that rewarding feeling (Sherman et. al). This implies that teens care deeply about how they are presented to their peers, which provides insight into why teens will do whatever it takes to be accepted - even if that means engaging in risky behavior. The UCLA article did not discuss this particular part about the reward center. I think the article would greatly benefit from discussing this result, especially if the authors are trying to address why parents should or should not be concerned about their children using social media. I hope you can see that this study conducted on adolescents is very applicable in a society that is constantly being shaped by social media. The article from UCLA Newsroom is an example of a good popular media source for this study. The only thing the UCLA article could benefit from is being a bit more detail in portraying the specific results of the study. This can provide even more important and relevant information to the general public about how social media can affect the developing brain. Let this blog post be an example of this phenomena - make sure your brain does not always believe every “popular” news story it reads until it has all of the facts! |