I recently went through some drafts I had on this site. In other words, I wrote out a blog but then decided not to post it. These were the three forgotten posts that stuck out most to me, and I think it's interesting to see them all chronologically, so I have placed them all together in one blog post. January 6, 2015 I've been feeling pretty great these past few days. There's just great people in my life, great things happening. Today I went to a "Look Good, Feel Good" class by the American Cancer Society where they showed you how to apply different types of makeup and wear scarves as head wraps and such. They gave you this huge bag of all this different makeup which was all laid out in front of me and I was just like: uuhhhhmmm... The only makeup I ever really wear is mascara. And until today, I had not been wearing any makeup at all. You see, one of the reasons I was admitted to the ER for all this crap was because one of my eyes was more dilated than the other and then we later found out that's because the stupid enlarged lymph nodes are pushing on this stupid vegal nerve that causes this stupid difference in my eyes. And it makes the other one droopier and since then it's ALL I EVER NOTICE. So I never wanted to wear my contacts because I felt like that made it more noticeable. Well today I put on my contacts and boldly stepped out into the world (okay I'm being dramatic about this but whatever). But then at the class today they were like: "now you can apply your foundation" "some people like to put the powder on before the blush" "now you can apply your eyebrow pencil" and I was just like ... .... ... what is this stuff? I had never seen the need for it all. but then I came home and my mom explained more of these things to me and helped apply the foundation and eyebrow pencil and then I was like "wow!" and even took a selfie and posted it because I felt pretty good about myself right then. October 15, 2015 I feel like I can feel my mind physically expanding and it's a wonderful feeling. From talking about globalization in Spanish, to conducting our own psychology research, to having political and intellectual conversations with my roommate, to thinking back to last year. It's pretty crazy. One thing I first want to talk about is something I experienced when I went home for fall break last week. It was a Sunday afternoon, and I was heading back to school later that day. However, we decided to make a trip to Target Minute Clinic before heading back. Sound familiar? The reason for the visit though, was for a flu shot, not for a nagging cough, thankfully. But it felt very similar. We had just been at brunch with the same family friends I had been at brunch with that very day. And then, the doctor that came out into the waiting room was the SAME ONE who admitted me to the ER that day. She administered the flu shot quickly, and then before I left, my mom said "do you want to tell her who you are?" so I said "I came in here last fall, a few days after Thanksgiving..." and with that she said "I remember you!" and she was so happy I was doing better and gave me a hug. January 24, 2016
Hello, I suddenly had an overwhelming urge to write on here, so here we are. I am currently in my dorm typing at my roommate's desk (who is studying abroad in Cuba right now for those that don't know). But I can't believe it just now occurred to me to study over here. It's so nice because it's a change of scenery and gives me a different perspective. Maddie maybe I'll sleep in your bed tonight too! Just kidding. I went up there to adjust the sheets last week and was so scared of how high you have the bed lofted. How do you DO that everyday, girl? I know you won't see this til later but I'm ready for you to come back. I miss you!! Anywho, it's interim time at St. Olaf which means everyone has one class for four weeks. So as you can imagine, it's usually a lot of work. I am taking Norwegian-American history which has actually been really cool. It's been a lot of reading, but we've read a lot of novels which is nice. I actually see the class as a giant book club, because we basically read a huge chunk of the book for class and then the professor says "what struck you?" or "what did you think of this part?" Also, on Friday I went to his office to discuss my final presentation I am giving on Tuesday. I chose to look at children's literature and specifically what Norwegian-American immigration is like from a child's perspective. After I told him my outline he asked why I chose this topic. I said I really want to work with kids, and I also like writing and have written short stories like this before. And then he asked more specifically what I want to do with kids. He already knows about my disability and diagnosis (I inform all my professors at the beginning of the semester) but I said I've always wanted to work with kids with disabilities. But now, I added, I have this whole other experience from last year and lately I've been thinking about somehow working with cancer patients. And he said: "Wow. What a wonderful thing to do with a life!" to which I blushed. I ended up being there for a good half hour just talking about life with him, which was grand.
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In the past month, I have watched a lot of good movies I had never seen before (or some I just hadn't seen in a long time), and I loved them all. Being the movie fanatic I am, I felt like sharing them with you. I have also included trailers for your viewing pleasure. (in the order they were viewed): Bridget Jone's Diary I had been meaning to watch this for a long time and I loved it and laughed a lot. (also I kind of had this obsession with [a younger] Colin Firth. lol). intrigued because it stars: Colin Firth (lol again) The Way Way Back Actually, I had seen this movie already a few years ago, but I felt like it had been forever and I wanted to watch it again. Definitely a good summer movie (sorry I'm telling you now as summer ends). Intrigued because it stars: Steve Carrell The Rebound It might look stupid but it's actually really cute. Intrigued because it stars: Justin Bartha (and also my cousin recommended it to me AND it's on Netflix). 500 Days of Summer I can't believe I went this long in my life without watching this movie. Actually, I had watched it when I was in like 4th grade, but I understood none of what was going on (classic). But I finally borrowed it from my cousin and watched it last week. Oh man, it is sooo good. Also the soundtrack is pure gold. I've had it on repeat all day today. Intrigued because it stars: Joseph Gordon Levitt and Zooey Deschanel Pete's Dragon My family and I just saw this in theatre's this week, actually. To be honest, it was not even on my radar but it was my dad's idea to go see a movie and he picked that one (also I feel like there aren't many good movies out right now anyway). I liked it more than I thought I would. The soundtrack was also really good which is a plus. Intrigued because: my dad bought tickets without asking me but it turned out to be pretty good regardless. (also it stars Seneca Crane from the Hunger Games movie:)) The Fundamentals of Caring (A Netflix Original) This had been on my list for awhile and I finally watched it the other night. 11/10 would STRONGLY recommend. I loved it. Intrigued because it stars: Paul Rudd As you can tell, I am always especially motivated to watch a movie if it has a certain actor/actress whom I like. Clearly all of these movies happen to feature someone I admire. Anywho, I highly recommend you watch at least one of these movies. Comment what you think if you have seen or do see any of them! Or feel free to suggest any movies you think I should watch. I would love to hear your thoughts. :)
- Bridget - I remember when I grew up watching the Arthur TV show every afternoon (well, I wanted it to be every afternoon. And let's face it, I still look up old episodes online now and then because that show was golden). One of the things I distinctly remember was that the characters were so scared of summer school. Whenever an assignment was hard or they did something wrong, their minds instantly jumped to having to go to summer school, and this would keep them tossing and turning into the hours of the night. Well folks, I am here to tell you (and Arthur & friends) that summer school is far from boring/torturing. I have had a grand time. And my summer was characterized by another piece of entertainment: The Beatles. Picture: A hot, July day. You just grab your current favorite iced coffee drink at the cafe and head to the library for class. Your English professor goes over the week's schedule/assignments, and then stands up to grab something behind him that looks like a guitar case. Sure enough, he unpacks his guitar and just starts jamming in front of the class. He starts by playing some melodies from classic Elvis songs and then goes into melodies from Bob Dylan songs. And finally, he goes up to the computer, blasts a Beatles album, and continues to play along with his guitar. This is: The Beat Generation. The Beat Generation was characterized as a group of non-conforming youths during the post World War II. The term "beat" was coined by writer Jack Kerouac, which could refer to being "beaten down" by the previous war stricken society (Read: On the Road By Jack Kerouac). This period was also characterized by homosexuality, drugs and music (Read: "Howl" by Allen Ginsberg). Kerouac also took the term "beat" to mean "upbeat" with relation to music. As a class we looked at Bob Dylan lyrics and his effect on the society at the time. (Listen to: "Like a Rolling Stone" by Bob Dylan). By the end of the course, we had reached the psychedelic era which was the time of the Beatles. I was surprised to learn that some of their earlier music was influenced by the use of LSD (Read: The Electric Kool - Aid Acid Test by Ken Kesey - Listen to: "Tomorrow Never Knows" by the Beatles* *warning: it sounds very trippy - but I guess thats LSD for ya). Despite some somewhat weird plots/lyrics/music, I think this was a perfect summer class. After all, who can say for their homework that they sat out on the quad skipping an iced latte while listening to the Beatles? One of my next classes, "Religious Pluralism and Community" has proved to be not so interesting. But the prof can be, which makes up for it. Today, as we've reached the end of the course, we discussed if Muslims and Christians worship the same God. Since Christians worship a Triune God (The Father, Son and Holy Spirit), my prof decided to relate this to three members of the Beatles (John, Paul and Ringo). Proof from my notes.
Essentially, the Father, Son and Spirit are relational terms existing in three interrelated ways. The Beatles, on the other hand, have members who are independent of each other. My professor used the example of the band breaking up and going off to pursue their own individual careers. Today, this Religion lesson brought everything full circle for me and I loved that. Thank you Beatles, for providing me with so much food for thought this summer. Also, summer classes at St. Olaf: 10/10 would recommend. :) - Bridget - Last week, I had my second follow up scan. I walked into the lobby, got my huge bottle of contrast from the front desk, and sat down in the chair to attempt to drink the whole bottle in an hour.
It wasn't until about 10-15 minutes before I knew I would be called back for my scan that it actually really hit me what was about to happen. Even though I've had this scan now twice before, I knew it still wouldn't be the most pleasant thing in the world. I knew I would lay down under the machine, which tends to bring back flashbacks of radiation and being almost nailed down to a table. I would get contrast through my port that would make me taste metal and feel hot and tingly. And... this was also a scan to make sure I didn't have cancer in my body. Sometimes I don't always think of that, you know? It just seems like a routine thing.... until I realize what they are actually searching for. But I am so so so so so happy that they didn't find anything. <3 Anywho, I go back there, change into the hospital clothes, and lay on the table. The technician starts explaining to me that she's going to give me contrast. I explained that I still have my port (side note: I have kept my port in SPECIFICALLY for these scans). She seemed surprised/shocked at the sight of it. I will spare you my angry emotions, but long story short - the technician wouldn't use my port without seeing some sort of paperwork - even though I've been there twice before and they've used the port with no problem. I blinked back angry tears as she stuck me with an IV and my port sat there - untouched. Needless to say it was a stressful morning. Because I chose to keep my port in, I need it get it flushed every 6 weeks or so. I was hoping I would at least get the port flushed at the clinic, but that unfortunately couldn't be done either. Since I happened to be home for the weekend and it was a Friday, we called my regular oncology clinic and they were able to schedule me to come in later that day for a quick port flush. Something else happened that afternoon that stressed me out even further - so I was just not in a great mood as I drove over to Minnesota Oncology that afternoon. If the port had been used... i wouldn't have to be coming all the way here for a flush... I thought to myself. But as I was waiting in the lobby, the door opened and one of my former nurses called me back, excited to see me after so long. She commented on my hair and asked me how my first full year of college had been. I greeted several other nurses as I walked back, who were also happy to see me. The nurse knew just what to do with my port which of course I expected, but it was so comforting to have someone who just knew and understood. She also shared my frustration for what had happened earlier that day. I never, ever would have thought that walking back into the place I used to dread every week would one day provide me with the comfort I needed. And looking back, chemo could have been way worse if I didn't have the amazing healthcare team that I did. And I know that they will always be there to support me, even after my treatment. It was just a very nice moment and realization for me, I'm so glad they could help turn my day around. <3 Still trying to wrap my mind around the fact that I am almost done with my first full year of college. Everything has moved so fast but I also feel like I've been at school for way longer than a year. But this has definitely been an amazing year. So amazing, in fact, that I may need two separate blog posts to write about it...
The Beauty of a Liberal Arts College Many of you know that I officially declared myself as a psych major earlier this semester. I held off declaring until then because for awhile I had been debating doing a psych and english double major. It wasn't until I went to a sophomore retreat entitled: "Where Am I Going?" (such a loaded question, I know) that I decided what I was going to do. At this retreat, we listened to other student speakers, a faculty panel, and a young alumni panel. Here are three things I learned:
In addition to the retreat, I also took many classes this semester that I was pretty interested in (except for Spanish, unfortunately...) Literary Studies This was the intro class for the major, which I why I originally signed up for it. But then I looked at it as a way to see what the english department at St. Olaf has to offer, and to see how I can grow and challenge myself as an english student. And this class turned out to be one of my definite favorites so far. We read many different pieces of literature and looked at them with different theories which was so interesting to me. The course mainly consisted of discussing the text as a class. It was so interesting to hear other's insights, and I surprised myself by contributing to the discussion almost every day. I was pretty proud of that because other people's insights often caused me to think about something in a different way and I didn't have any insecurities sharing my thoughts. I also feel like I established a good relationship with my professor, and she made me feel good about my writing and ideas which is very reassuring. I am definitely ready to head into more english classes at Olaf with more confidence (like this summer, for example, when I take an english class about the Beat Generation!) Christian Theology and Moral Life A religion class that I needed for a general education requirement that turned out to have some interesting ideas. We read a lot of books by different theologians and compared their views. However, I have to admit that the first half was more interesting to me than the second half. We talked a lot about sin, suffering and death which sounds really depressing but I found to be fascinating. Spanish Sadly, I'm just happy to be done with this class (forever!) We did read about some interesting historical and political concepts in different Spanish speaking countries. And I feel like I have really improved my Spansh which hopefully I can hold on to in the future... Developmental Psychology MY FAVORITE CLASS (and prof!). so so so interesting. The course journeyed through all parts of life - from conception to death. We looked at different cultural, social and biological factors that contribute to development in different contexts. And towards the end we talked about psychopathology which was fascinating (I'm hoping to take that class in the near future!!) lol can you tell I'm a psych major? My favorite part of that class, however, was the semester long research paper we did. We had the freedom to pick any developmental topic and period of life. I chose to look at how child cancer patients cope - especially relating to various factors such as parents, peers, nurses and school. I won't get into every detail here (I would be more than happy to share my paper with you if you want to read it:)) but I will say that it was a fascinating topic to research. Countless times while reading about interviews with these child cancer patients, my jaw dropped because what they were describing was exactly what I had felt during my diagnosis but never thought anyone could understand. This leads me into my last topic of this post: Thoughts on My Future I want to start by saying that I have not neglected occupational therapy. I just have been considering other things... There are so many things one can do with psychology. It could be that I am not very far removed from this situation, but I have been considering working more and more with cancer patients, maybe as a psychologist. There have been several factors this year that have contributed to this. One, of course, is my research paper. Reading about these patients made my heart ache and gave me this drive deep down to reach out to them and tell them everything is going to be okay. I also was a part of the Love Your Melon crew this year, and we were able to work with some cancer patients a couple times which brought me so much love and joy. Also, I went to listen to a child psychologist give a talk about her career path. She worked with many different people in many different areas, but she said the most rewarding was working with children in the oncology unit. I went up to her afterwards and told her I was a cancer survivor and was possibly considering being a psychologist for other survivors. Her face lit up and she said "oh wow, you have to do that." And, perhaps the strongest contributor of all... One morning during this sophomore retreat (which was focused on helping you find what you want to do with your life, keep in mind) I received an email from a dear friend who told me she was recently diagnosed with cancer. She hadn't told many people but told me and said that she was going to channel me as she went through this. After blinking back my tears, I couldn't help but wonder if this was a sign... I am conflicted, of course, because I have considered doing physical therapy (which has now turned into occupational therapy) most of my life. People have pointed out to me that I shouldn't be afraid of the science classes involved with OT which I understand... but that's not solely why I'm thinking of other careers. I just sometimes can't help but think that this diagnosis happened to me for a reason - to give me a new vision on my career path, especially since I've been considering doing this one career most of my life. Again, I am not saying I am giving up on OT. I am signed up to take an anatomy class in the fall to see how that goes. I have just discovered different perspectives and they have in turn changed my own perspective. We'll see where it takes me. Thank you for reading this whole post, it means a lot that you are so interested in my life/passions. I feel like I've had passions building all semester so I wanted to spill them out for you a little. I will hopefully have another blog post to come soon, so stay tuned! <3 - Bridget - Happy Easter everyone! Today, I'm doing something that I haven't done much before which is to reflect on my Lent experience. This past year I feel like I have really grown in my faith which has caused me to really think about and reflect on these last 40 days.
I would first like to say that a big part of my reflection has stemmed from my experience in Saint Paul's Outreach (SPO), which is the Catholic group on campus I have come to value a lot this year. With that said, here is what I learned Lent can be about. Giving Up My Time I feel like a lot of times, people can be too concerned with what they are "giving up" for Lent. Sweets, caffeine and social media always seem to be popular ones. I found myself in this place at the beginning of Lent. I knew that I had been extremely blessed this past year, and for that I really felt like I needed to give something up that would be challenging. But during the beginning of Lent at SPO we talked about how that isn't always necessarily the meaning of this time. Rather, it can be important to give up things we don't normally think about, like your time. Whether that be to doing something you don't normally do, volunteering or spending time with others. And that really got me thinking about what I had done so far and what I could continue to do during Lent. For example, this semester I signed up to volunteer for something called Story Circle. Essentially, I was assigned a resident and every Tuesday afternoon I take the bus to the Northfield Retirement Home and visit with them for an hour. It's really interesting because my resident has had some medical problems and now can only really say yes or no. After the first visit, I realized how much I will have to lead our conversations. I felt awkward talking so much about my life, but then I realized that my resident really appreciated my time and was just happy to have company. I'm hoping that by doing this I can make her day a little more enjoyable. Also, as many of you know, I just went on a service trip with St. Olaf students over spring break as part of Ole Spring Relief. It felt really good to spend my time giving to others. By giving my time, I helped provide relief for tornado victims in Moore, Oklahoma by building a shed. On the last day, as we were waiting for our bus, a neighbor came over and told us how much she appreciated the work we did. She then went on to describe all the damage the 2013 and 2015 tornadoes did to their home. This really put our service work into perspective and it was really rewarding to see how grateful she was for us giving up our time to these victims. One last thing is that I am trying (and struggling) to get into a routine of going to the gym more often. I started going more often than I ever have before, and by giving up this time to exercising I feel that I am bettering myself which always makes me feel more confident. Building Relationships Through these experiences of giving my time, I have also built stronger relationships with others both on and off campus. I feel like I have really grown closer to the SPO group on campus, both through the things I've learned and the people I've connected with. I feel like we've become a stronger group this year which I am really thankful for. For Story Circle, at first it was hard to begin to relate to my resident because I didn't really know how to lead the conversation. But as this semester has gone on we have completed puzzles together and I have learned more about her by asking questions. The last time I visited, when I walked through the door she jumped a little excitedly in her chair and then when I left she blew me a kiss goodbye which really warmed my heart. I'm glad I can finally establish a connection with her and know that she is excited to see me. <3 I also met so many great people on OSR. We learned to build sheds together which established a strong sense of teamwork. Also, one night we all shared something we struggled with which was really, really powerful. And after we all hugged each other and that brought us all even closer together. I'm really excited to continue building these relationships when I return to campus. Building My Faith About a month ago, I attended a weekend retreat called Fan Into Flame (which was also through SPO, imagine that!) Here, I learned a lot about my faith. I feel like my faith definitely shifted some last year during my treatment, and this year I found myself looking at all of its pieces and figuring out how to reassemble them. This retreat definitely helped me do that. I shared my story with some people at the retreat, and as I shared, I realized how thankful I am for everything last year. I realized that I see God's work experience by experience, and each one has changed and shaped who I am. I also felt His presence more than I ever have, and I think that was exactly what I needed. Also, on OSR, one activity we did required us to write down some of our values, goals, experiences and identities. Once we had them all written down, we had to take two away and continue to do so until we had one left. This was extremely challenging and really put things into perspective. For example, one of my identities I wrote was "Christian." I have always grown up in the Christian faith, but unfortunately, as of a couple years ago that word probably never would have crossed my mind to write down. But this activity just proved how important this is to me as it was one of the last values to leave. It's really good for me to write this all out and continue to reflect on everything I learned these past few months. For Lent, I think it can be important to just give. Give yourself to volunteering, give yourself to others and build relationships, and give yourself to grow in your faith. In the future, I encourage all of you to give more in your own way because I can say that it is truly rewarding both for others and for yourself. Happy Easter. <3 Love, Bridget |